| dr jekyll, mr hyde |

Being a Christian is hard...

There are really times where I want to just have things the easy way. I want to be able to do the things that everyone else does, not really thinking about the way things are, or the consequences of some of my actions. I kinda long for the blissful ignorance of not knowing how this affects my soul or my ways to heaven.

At the same time, I really don't think I would be able to live like that. Knowing God has really shown me so much, I've been able to grow in so many different ways, and understand the world around me so much better. I feel like, even though I have a lot to consider during my days, that I'm really much more ALIVE with the knowledge of Him and how He controls the things around and including me.

I had a conversation a couple of weeks back, where a friend of mine told me that I'm not really like other Christians that she has met. Which made me think about what the criteria is for being a Christian person. Am I supposed to be a rosary carrying, Bible thumping, openly judging person? Is that what people are expecting when they hear the word Christian?! Are they expecting me to jump up at them and throw the gospel down their throats? Is there the idea that I'm constantly on a "change your mind" mission?

I think we should be willing to evangelize, but I'm not going to change your mind about anything. I'm not trying to be out to just tell you that the way I think is the ONLY way in the world to go about things. The beautiful thing about Jesus is that He loves us corporately and INDIVIDUALLY. That means that I can't tell you who Jesus is to/for you. That's something that you have the pleasure of figuring out for yourself. I can help you to discern how God has been trying to get your attention, and recognize those things. In that process, it's definitely a lot of questions to be asked and lots of different options to be explored.

Back to topic though, sometimes it really seems like non-believers have life so easy. They don't have to do any worrying, and don't really seem to be held back by so many rules. However, when I think about it, I see the flip side of things. There is so much hurt in this world. So much loss and so much pain that is just rampant through our world. So many people feel alone and disconnected and have little hope. Knowing that God loves me, affords me the luxury of not having to go through things alone. I don't even have to deal with stuff completely on my own. I have a backup who is really infallible. There is a being that is much stronger than I am, who is willing to lend His strength and goodness to me. A father that is constantly on watch over me.

There's no way that I would be able to live life without Him. However, sometimes it seems that the grass really is greener on the other side. When I look into my neighbor's yard, I see all the weeds though, and I realize we're all really trying to strive to find a way to make it through the same struggles. Some of us have a little extra help... I wanna help everyone have access to the same resource.

I'm out...